“…the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” 1 Corinthians 11:3
In my last article, I mentioned that as a result of the fall, there seems to be an inherit power struggle between the sexes within marriage. Instead of a loving agreeable relationship it became a relationship where both genders want to control each other. If we are honest with ourselves, we can all agree to some extent the reality of this power struggle even in our own marriages and relationships. Today our bookstores are filled with how-to books about marriage, but in spite of all of our knowledge and observations we still struggle. But what does God have to say about marriage?
1 Corinthians 11:3 “…the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”
Here we see God establishes an order within marriage. He places man in authority for the purpose of function. We naturally rebel against this idea, especially in light of our times. What we struggle with is the concept of putting men in the place of leadership in marriage.
This is mostly due to our wrong concept of Biblical leadership. We immediately think of abuses that could potentially come as a result of this idea. I personally share those concerns, I think most of us know men who are domineering and have been abusive. This kind of attitude and behavior has no place in a marriage relationship, as a matter of fact the Lord directs us in Colossians 3:19 “husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” Men with this kind of tendency should undergo professional counseling. I also believe it is the job of pastors and leaders to make sure men understand what it means to be a Godly leader. At the same time, no philosophy or idea should be judged on the basis of its abuses, rather on proper understanding and function of what it promotes.
Biblical leadership properly understood could not only enhance our marriages, it also can make us better men and women. Biblical leadership does not mean that men become the bosses of their wives. It is not a boss and employee relationship.
Usually when the Lord puts someone in the place of authority it is always for the benefit of the other party. The Lord tells the children to obey their parents, and under normal circumstances this is in the best interest of the child. It makes the parents responsible for the wellbeing of their children.
In the same way, when the Lord puts man in the place of authority it is for the welfare and wellbeing of his wife as well as creating an order for peace and tranquility.
This is how the New Testament directs men in regard to their role in marriage.
Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her…,”.First and foremost it is the job of the husband to love his wife. But what does that mean?
- It is a man’s job to take care, nurture, look after and meet the needs of his wife. He should not look to her for provision and financial support. It is his job to provide for her.
1Peter 3:7 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman…”
- We are to live with our wives in an understanding way not being manipulative. We are to study them and learn their tendencies and live with them accordingly.
- We should always treat our wives with an attitude of respect and honor. We should never use demeaning words.
- We should behave in such a way that will earn their respect and not demand it.
There is a lot more that could be said to help us in practical ways to become better husbands. In our future articles we will discuss some of these tips. But in this article I wanted to highlight what the Lord directs us to do in light of the fall.
Over the years I have talked to numerous women about the men in our days. In their opinion these are some of our men’s deficiencies.
- Lack of responsibility: They are not being responsible, lazy and not seeing things through.
- Lack of ability to make a decision: they can’t make any decisions. Very distracted.
- Lack of commitment: they don’t spent enough time with their wives and kids, lack of communication. Instead they spend a lot of time watching tv, sports, hobbies and other activities.
These are a sample of what I have heard over the years from women.
Some of these deficiencies may be a direct result of our men losing their masculinity. In today’s culture we struggle with the notion of masculinity. It conjures up images of domineering males who are loud and unrefined.
But the truth of the matter is when we promote the right kind of masculinity it makes our men to become better men. Typically speaking men were made to achieve and conquer. They need something to look after and take care of.
One of the reasons that sports are so popular among men is that in sports he can win over “the other guy”. What he needs to do is to direct these qualities towards his family. He needs to take care, look after and watch over his wife and children.
If he begins to look at himself in this light, he will turn his masculine qualities in a positive direction and become a better husband and man.
But today most of our men don’t look at themselves this way. They don’t have a clear idea of what their role is. As a result, they are more inclined to turn their energy toward other things rather than their families.
We need to mention that there is a balance in all of this. Men should have hobbies and sport activities. But, my point is that they should not neglect their leadership role and think this is an outdated way of thinking. I am convinced that if we direct our men toward a healthy and balanced masculinity, it will serve our families well.
May the Lord be with you all.