How can I truly fall in love with my spouse? If you were to look at your circle of friends how many couples do you know of that truly love each other? Most of us, when we get married think we have found our soulmates. But, over time our feelings begin to cool off even to the point of wondering if we have chosen the right person!
Today, most of us define love as a feeling. We say I “fell in love” or I believe in “love at the first sight”, but how do we truly fall in love?
True love has more to do with our will than our emotions. In life, we ultimately fall in love with whatever we value and attach worth to. For instance, how many of us can turn our back on our children? Not many, but why is that? For one thing, we have a natural affection for them. But there is another principal at work here that we could easily miss.
When our children are born, from day one when they cry we wake up to see what they need. Every time they have a need we are there to take care of them. We care, nurture, and look after their well-being. We put so much care and effort into them that they become valuable to us and over time we grow to love them.
We ultimately love what is valuable to us, the way things become valuable is by giving of ourselves and pouring into the other person.
This is the way of love. This principal applies to other areas of life as well. Even in our marriages, if we want to fall in love with our spouses, then we need to pour into them.
We need to look after their well-being, put their needs and happiness as one of the chief aims of our marriage. In this way, as we keep pouring into them, they become important to us. Over time we truly fall in love with them because they have cost us something.
We usually want our spouse to pour into us. If they do this without us pouring back into them, then they actually become devalued in our eyes. Over time we would not love someone who has become devalued.
Soulmates are not to be found, they are made, made by mutually pouring into each other. If we take a closer look at the command the Lord gives to married couples we may see this principal at work.
In Ephesians 5:25 the Lord commands the husbands to love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her.
The Amplified Bible explains this verse this way. Husbands “seek the highest good for her and surround her with a caring, unselfish love”. In another words, husbands ought to do what is best for their wives: to care, nurture and love them in an unselfish way.
If a husband acts in accordance to this command, over time, he falls in love with his wife in a deep profound way. What the Lord commands the wives is in a similar fashion. In Ephesians 5:22 the Lord commands the wives to submit to their husbands.
If a wife obeys this command in her marriage then she will at times put her husband’s wishes over her own. If she puts her husband’s wellbeing as her service to the Lord, she will over time fall in love with her husband.
The key to this principal is to look for ways that we can pour love, care and goodwill into our spouses. By doing this over time, they will become important and valuable to us and we will ultimately fall in love with what we value.
Behind every command of the Lord, there is a hidden principal that is designed for our wellbeing and benefit. Many times, we are not able to see these principals. But if we do them because this is what the Lord commands us, then sometime in the future we will see the hidden wisdom of the command and come to the realization that all his commands are for our wellbeing.
May the Lord be with you all.