His Needs

In this article I want to talk to the ladies about their husband’s needs. Over the years I have spoken to many men regarding their marriages. Here are some of the most common needs and thoughts that were expressed to me by them.


Many men have confided to me that they wished their wives were more responsive to them. Some of them went as far as saying “I love my wife and all that she does, but sometimes I feel like I am married to a maid rather than a wife”.

By this remark, they don’t mean to be disrespectful. They were simply saying that they appreciated the things that were being done, however those things could be done by a hired person. But what a hired person could not give to them was intimacy.

Most men get their validation through intimacy. This is how they come to believe that their wives love them. When a wife desires her husband, he interprets that as “proof” that she loves him.

But when she refuses him, he may interpret that as rejection of him. When all along she might just be tired. This is how misunderstandings happen in our marriages.

Obviously there needs to be understanding and some give and take regarding this subject. My point here is to highlight how men may associate the lack of intimacy as rejection of them. Here are some suggestions that wives might find helpful:

  • It would be helpful for a wife to be very open with her husband regarding intimacy. She should let him know of her likes and dislikes and be very open with him.
  • It would be great for a wife to plan some special intimate time and surprise her husband with it.
  • If a wife is not in the “mood”, she should communicate that to him so he may know why she is not responding.
  • Be careful not to create such a busy life that you are tired constantly.

There is lot more that could be said about this subject. My hope is to just touch on this subject and highlight it importance for men.

Men need admiration:

If ladies need attention, men need admiration. Men enjoy admiration, this may explain why sports are so popular among men. In sports one man can win over another and that makes him feel good.

When was the last time you said an encouraging word to your husband? Do you praise him for what he does? What we miss is the fact that men are much more sensitive than they appear.

If your husband works hard for you let him know by saying, “You are a great provider, thank you for working hard for all of us”. If he cares for the family, let him know. Praise and encourage your husband often.

Men need respect and honor:

All men would like to be respected and honored by their family. Nothing would build a man up as much as respect. When he is honored by his wife and kids, he will become more involved with his family.

Try to show respect and honor to him in front of the kids. Always speak highly of your husband behind his back to the kids. Never speak negatively to the kids about their father, this would undermine his authority at home.

Encourage him by writing encouraging letters, let him know he is doing well and you are appreciative. When he comes home from work greet him pleasantly and tell him you’re happy to see him. Try to think of ways that you can show honor to your husband and you will end up with a better husband.

Don’t put your husband down:

Never put your husband down purposely. Men are more sensitive than you may think. If you constantly criticize and put him down, he eventually withdraws himself. He becomes uninvolved with the family and turns his love and affection towards other things.

Avoid making everything a contest of wills. This is a sure way to end up with a bad marriage. If you disagree with him on an issue let him know gently and respectfully. Never put your husband down in front of the kids, no matter what.

These are some of the things that I have heard from men over the years. You may think of other things that are not mentioned here. If we examine our attitude toward our husbands, do we see areas that can be improved?

My hope is, by reflecting on these points you can get a glimpse into a man’s heart and see what his needs are. May the Lord bless you and your marriage.

May the Lord be with you all.




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